Games people play

What is it that I do that suddenly makes a girl go cold?  Maybe I'm being insecure and selfish thinking it's something I did.  Maybe it truly is them and not me.  Why must all these games be played and these doubts be dwelled upon?  If two people like each other, why can't they just act upon that and go with it.  Feelings get hurt, yes... but you recover.  Wouldn't you rather just dive right in and have fun, if even for a little while, instead of wondering if you're going to get hurt and then letting something good slip away and then beating yourself up about letting something good get away.  Yes, you can tell yourself things happen for a reason and that if it's meant to be it will be, but sometimes you just have to take a chance and go against your instinct and let your guard down.  I have been hurt, even to a point of thinking that it would never heal, but it does and I just jump in again.  Enough with these games, and they can be considered games even if they aren't meant to be.  If you like me, take a chance on me... if you don't like me enough to take a chance, then just tell me you don't like me so I can move on and not drive myself crazy.

The history of my Toblerone Fudge, Part 1

One day, I was contemplating what goodies I was going to make for the Christmas holidays, when during my search on what people seem to call "The Internet", I found a recipe for fudge. Now this wasn't just any fudge, this was Toblerone fudge; a recipe first invented by a mountain goat herder that lives in the furthest reaches of the Swiss Alps. I looked through the ingredient list and made a list of things I needed to buy. When I saw the last ingredient, I knew I was in for an adventure: a teaspoon of milk from a wild Swiss mountain goat. I wanted to make this fudge very badly, so I got my backpack out, all my mountain climbing equipment, and a small bottle to hold the milk. With all that I needed ready; I set out for the Swiss Alps.  Of course, I realized when I left, I had no idea how to get there… and I hadn’t bought a plane ticket or anything.  Maybe I could hitchhike there.  Maybe stow away in someone’s luggage. Swimming might be tough… row boat?  Well, nonetheless, I started on my way.  I walked as far as I could walk (the nearest bus stop) and decided that I should conserve my energy for the mountain climbing.  The bus driver was kind enough to give me a free trip (to the next bus stop) when I told him I didn’t have any money.  I guess I had to use my thumb for the rest of the way (I prefer to dial with my thumb) and called my friend for a ride to the airport.  He was happy to oblige (since I told him I wouldn’t try to bum rides off him for the next few weeks).  At the airport, I asked if there were any tickets available to Switzerland.  They said there were plenty.  Then I asked if there were any free tickets available.  They called security.  I had thought my journey was at an end, until a strange man came up to me and asked why I wanted to go to Switzerland.  I told him why and he gave me a magic golden ticket he found in a chocolate bar.  I had a weird feeling that this was something very familiar.  He then told me about his travels in a strange glass elevator, and of a man in a funny hat.  This strange man told me his name was Charles.  Something was definitely odd, but I took the golden ticket and went back inside the airport.  I showed security the ticket, and they took me to an elevator… it wasn’t glass though.  The elevator stopped at a hidden floor, they pushed me out and I fell at the feet of some very lovely feet. I looked up and it was an attractive woman in a business suit with glasses looking down a smiling at me.

“You must be that special man I was told about.” She said.  I didn’t think I was very special, but I’m not going to argue.  She led me to a room with just a single chair in it.

“Have a seat.” She said.  I sat down. 

She walked over to the wall and opened a panel built in to the wall.  I heard her pressing several buttons, but had no idea what she was doing.  Suddenly the room went pitch dark.  I heard a scream. The lights came back on and I saw that I was surrounded by several large men dressed in heavy furs, carrying an assortment of painful-looking melee weapons. Maces, spears, broadswords, you name it.  There must have been a dozen men standing around me, their faces covered in beards, their skin brown and leathery from the sun.  They were huge men as well, at least 7 feet tall, with arms and legs like tree trunks.  The men in front of me parted to make room for an even larger man, who must have been their leader.  He was the biggest man I had ever seen in my life (and I’ve been to WWE wrestling matches).

(To be continued...)

Prometheus Review

Let me just warn anyone reading this post, if you want to see Prometheus, and you don’t want to know what happens, DO NOT read this post.  I mean it, stop right here because the first sentence of the next paragraph is going to be a major spoiler.

David is incapable of emotion, therefore he is incapable of any evil act.  There is no debate or theory about it, he gave scientist dude the alien substance to test what the reaction would be and if it would enable the old guy to live forever. (And I mean period!)  I laugh at the posts and discussions posted all over the interwebz about the unanswered questions about Prometheus.  Some of these questions are a little obvious if you just use your “Engineer-given” common sense… oh right, there seems to be a severe lack of that in most people these days.  People prefer to let other people think for them.  Guy Pierce was the old guy because he was the old guy.  Who gives a fuck why?!? Maybe he wanted the part. Maybe he was asked to play the part.  How does that have any bearing on the movie?? What was the first scene about?  If you paid attention through the entire movie, it would become pretty obvious to you what it was about… that’s how human life began.  Why they did it? That’s a more interesting question.

Anyway, putting all those questions aside, and all the geekdom debates, this movie was very well made.  The concept, the story, the writing was all just short of brilliant.  It holds a very special place in my heart because it’s concept is something I have a bit of a belief in.  It’s not an absolute belief in, but it’s an idea that I think is plausible.  We are here on this planet because of an alien race.  From the amount of movies and books written about this belief, I’m not alone.  Isn’t scientology based on that belief?  I’m not that crazy, but I definitely think it’s possible.  Will we ever really know?  Back to the movie, the performances were really the only failing in this movie.  Don’t get me wrong, there were exceptional performances in this movie, and I mean exceptional!  Michael Fassbender is quickly becoming one of my favourite actors.  Noomi Repace’s Hollywood debut was nothing but amazing.  It’s a very good thing that these 2 roles were basically the lead roles, because having to deal with Charlize Theron’s performance for the majority of the movie would have been gut-wrenching.  Normally I don’t mind her, but this was just so plain.  Maybe it was meant to be that way, but I didn’t enjoy it.  The rest of the supporting cast was ok, but nothing to write home about.  It was Fassbender and Repace that made this movie brilliant.  I seriously would not be surprised if he was nominated for his role.  Maybe not an Oscar, because the Academy general does not normally nominate science fiction in its major categories (save District 9 for Best Picture when the nominees went to 10).  Ridley Scott also set it all up nicely for a very interesting franchise, but I fear he will not get to continue because of the movie’s under-performance at the box office.  I think it was over-shadowed by the Super Hero movies out this Summer.  If you love science fiction, Ridley Scott, or want to see a brilliant acting performance… see this movie!  I give it an A for Alien prequel! ;)

Moneymoneymoney moneyyy

It’s funny how people react when they see money in public places other than stores and banks.  I mean bills, not change, and a few of them, not a single fiver.  The other day I experienced someone on the subway give what looked like $60 to her friend (for whatever reason).  There were two young women sitting close to them and one of the young women stared so intently at the money that she almost looked like she was trying to will it into her pocket.  I even thought I saw her mouth something like, “I could so easily take that”.  She didn’t appear poverty-striken at all, but she sure seemed to really want that money.  I want money as much as the next person.  I’m very financially challenged and struggling from paycheque to paycheque.  I’ve thought up schemes and heists in my head a lot… hahahaha… let me just interject here to say that as I am writing this, the man sitting next to me on the train just pulled out a wad of bills (20s and 50s), and quickly counted and sorted them.  I have to admit that my eyes lit up a bit, but I mainly tried not to laugh at the whole irony of the situation.  Hmm, I wonder if he was counting them to make sure I hadn’t taken any while he had gone to the bathroom.  I had no idea he had the money in his bag when he left, so I wouldn’t have done anything.  Now that I know he has it in his bag, he better not go to the bathroom again while I’m sitting here.  Just kidding… or am I?  As I said, it’s funny how people react when they see money in public places other than stores and banks.

P.S. Can anyone loan me a fiver?

Mmm... pizza

And now for something completely different… would be what I wish I could say before every post I make on this blog.  I do try to be original, but is anyone actually original these days?  Everything has been re-hashed, de-hashed, re-re-hashed, and hashed, blended, chopped up, then served to us to make us think it’s a brand new batch of hash. Mmm… hash.  I haven’t done hash for a very long time.  I think the last time I did hash was when I ate a hash brownie and starting tripping out big time and bad time.  I seriously thought I was going to die.  Then I ate pizza and all was right in the world again.  Mmm pizza, the food that brings the world together.  They recently allowed pizza to be served and eaten in Korea… North or South, I can’t remember… whichever is the bad Korea. Ha, sounds so funny to say that. “Bad Korea! Stop pissing on your brother! Bad!”  In other pizza related news, some Scottish scientists designed a healthy pizza, fortified with a quarter of an adult’s daily nutrients.  The pizzas are flavoured for your tastes.  See, even the Scottish love pizza that they took time out of their beer-swilling, sheep-humping, English-bashing schedules to invent a healthy pizza.  They weren’t content enough to provide us with the best James Bond in the history of movies, they had to invent a different kind of pizza.  Cheers to them! 

What IS funny?

Today I was going to write about all the funny lines that pop into my head, but then I realized that I am not a very funny person.  Not that I don’t have a sense of humour, I have a wicked sense of humour, but my attempts to be funny are usually met with laughs of another kind… but I don’t care so much because I accomplished my goal, which was to make the person laugh.  I will share the things that have come to me recently that have made me laugh (I’m my own best audience).

I have attempted to get my son to start using a very corny pick-up line… I know, I’m a great father… the line is: Girl, you should be on my windshield, cause you got fine all over you.  Very very corny, but coming from a 4 year old, it would be hilarious.  I also thought of a “candid camera” type of practical joke to play on people. Someone would be on the sidewalk handing out flyers for a store promotion where you get a free gift with purchase, so the person would be yelling out, “Free gift with purchase”.  However, he would occasional say, “Free tits with purchase” or “Free licks with purchase”.  He would say it fast enough to still kind of sound like “gift”, but clear enough to make people turn their heads and wonder if they heard what they thought they just heard.  These are the messed up things that come to me.

I was just killing myself laughing today at the One On One segment on the MTV Live show that airs on MTV Canada.  It’s the poor Canadian man’s version of Between Two Ferns with Zack Galafinakis (I wonder if I spelled that right).  I think it’s hilarious.  That’s my type of humour.  Someone in the office today told a story of a guy he worked with that would always be cracking up laughing at some show, which he watched on one screen while working on the other.  That show was Family Matters.  To each their own, I guess.  I hope you found some humour in my entry today, even if it was a “what a sad, pathetic, little man” laugh.

She has man-hands!

I’ve come to the realization that I have a Seinfeld-ian pickiness when it comes to dating and women.  Could be that I’m just anal… and not the good kind of anal.  I have a tendency to pinpoint and focus on a negative aspect of a woman I’m dating.  It’s not even a negative aspect, it’s just a trait that I don’t find particularly attractive… like boy-cuts… or cankles… or a flat ass.  The rest of the woman may fit everything else that I think is perfect, but if they have a trait that I don’t like, I find it hard to look past.  I should actually re-phrase that: there’s a voice in my head that keeps reminding me of it.  I like to call him negative Ned… actually I just made that name up on the spot, but I like it.  Ned likes to to be super pessimistic.  I hate Ned.  I have told Ned to shut-up on numerous occasions… the last time was in the car and I literally screamed at myself, to the point I was crying… I think it may have been a little nervous breakdown of some sort.  Typing this now, I am actually starting to wonder is I’m seriously mentally ill.  I do know I suffer from some minor mental illness, but perhaps I’m actually really sick.  I’ve always just dismissed it as being part of my personality.  I can still function, keep a job, keep friends… so I’m probably just being dramatic.  I can’t keep relationships though… I don’t think I ever will be able to.  Isn’t that like a lot of men?  Besides, it’s not fair to any women to put up with my eccentricities.  I’m someone that’s good in small doses, because that’s all I like to give of myself… small doses.  I can only put up with most people in small doses as well… there are a select few where I can take frequent small doses of, but most people should only appear for a short time, and then go away until I need you again.   I wonder where this loner attitude comes from.  My brother NEEDS to be social all the time, whereas I just need it a little.  I much prefer to be alone doing what I want and not having to feel obligated to interact with someone.  Was there something in our nurturing that made us take different paths… or is it just the nature of our chemical make-up.  Along that same path, how can I become so emotional and cry at a silly commercial, when I’ve generally become so jaded and de-sensitized by everything.  What triggers these episodes?  It’s almost seems like it’s hormonal.  Is there really male PMS?  Someone answer me that… someone… anyone?  Oh right, no one really reads my blog, so I guess everything I ask will remain rhetorical, whether I like it or not.

A new board game?

Hello again to all my dedicated readers…. Mahahahahahaha… I crack myself up sometimes.  Well, if there is someone who actually comes back to read my updates, then thank you sir or madam.  I do apologize for my absence; I was in jolly ole England visiting my family.  In that visit I reconnected with a long lost love of mine… the board game Movie Maker.  For those of you not “in the know”, it is a Parker Brothers game from the 80s (or is it 70s) where the objective is to make… (surprise) movies!  If you want to know more, then look it up… that IS what the Internet is for, ya know.  A few nights of drinking and playing the game with my brother were had, and lots of fun and memories were dug up.  This reconnection has sparked an interest in updating the game.  The old formula needs to make way for new types of movies and stars.  The old game requires a story (Epic, Historical, Western, Musical, Comedy, or Horror), a director, a male star, and female star, and locations (varies based on story).  Well this formula needs to add Indies and Action movies and Buddy Comedies and Animated movies and… and… well that’s all I can think of right now.  It should also scrap the whole male star and female star formula.  I think that there should be a range between 2 and 4 stars of varying gender, depending on the type of movie.  Maybe even make Indies be able to have only one star.  I think the stars named should also better spoof real actor’s names.  Movies should also have a certain amount of weeks that it runs, and make the box office amount randomize per week.  For example: an action movie’s maximum run would be 6 weeks.  The first week the player roles 6 dice to determine the box office take in millions.  The next week the player roles 5 dice.  Oh wait! I just thought of a great idea… every type of story has a base amount of weeks… action has 3, comedy has 2, indie has 1, etc., and every star has an amount of weeks attached to them, ranging from zero to 2. Ok, this game may sound like it’s getting complicated, but people like in-depth games with lots of variables these days.  I need to get this game made soon.  I wonder if I make it whether I would infringe on any copyrights from the original game.  I wouldn’t think so, because people make similar games all the time.  Look at Trouble and Sorry… practically identical… although they be made by the same company.  Well these are things I can work out later. Oh, by the way, I’ve just copyrighted my idea, so no stealing it my lone reader!  Now I just need to figure out the board.  I wonder if I should keep the locations within the formula…