One day, I was contemplating what goodies I was going to make for the Christmas holidays, when during my search on what people seem to call "The Internet", I found a recipe for fudge. Now this wasn't just any fudge, this was Toblerone fudge; a recipe first invented by a mountain goat herder that lives in the furthest reaches of the Swiss Alps. I looked through the ingredient list and made a list of things I needed to buy. When I saw the last ingredient, I knew I was in for an adventure: a teaspoon of milk from a wild Swiss mountain goat. I wanted to make this fudge very badly, so I got my backpack out, all my mountain climbing equipment, and a small bottle to hold the milk. With all that I needed ready; I set out for the Swiss
Alps. Of course, I realized when I left,
I had no idea how to get there… and I hadn’t bought a plane ticket or
anything. Maybe I could hitchhike there. Maybe stow away in someone’s luggage.
Swimming might be tough… row boat? Well,
nonetheless, I started on my way. I
walked as far as I could walk (the nearest bus stop) and decided that I should
conserve my energy for the mountain climbing.
The bus driver was kind enough to give me a free trip (to the next bus
stop) when I told him I didn’t have any money.
I guess I had to use my thumb for the rest of the way (I prefer to dial
with my thumb) and called my friend for a ride to the airport. He was happy to oblige (since I told him I
wouldn’t try to bum rides off him for the next few weeks). At the airport, I asked if there were any
tickets available to Switzerland. They
said there were plenty. Then I asked if
there were any free tickets available.
They called security. I had
thought my journey was at an end, until a strange man came up to me and asked
why I wanted to go to Switzerland. I
told him why and he gave me a magic golden ticket he found in a chocolate
bar. I had a weird feeling that this was
something very familiar. He then told me
about his travels in a strange glass elevator, and of a man in a funny
hat. This strange man told me his name
was Charles. Something was definitely
odd, but I took the golden ticket and went back inside the airport. I showed security the ticket, and they took
me to an elevator… it wasn’t glass though.
The elevator stopped at a hidden floor, they pushed me out and I fell at
the feet of some very lovely feet. I looked up and it was an attractive woman
in a business suit with glasses looking down a smiling at me.
“You must be that special man I was told about.” She
said. I didn’t think I was very special,
but I’m not going to argue. She led me
to a room with just a single chair in it.
“Have a seat.” She said.
I sat down.
She walked over to the wall and opened a panel built in to
the wall. I heard her pressing several
buttons, but had no idea what she was doing.
Suddenly the room went pitch dark.
I heard a scream. The lights came back on and I saw that I was
surrounded by several large men dressed in heavy furs, carrying an assortment
of painful-looking melee weapons. Maces, spears, broadswords, you name it. There must have been a dozen men standing
around me, their faces covered in beards, their skin brown and leathery from
the sun. They were huge men as well, at
least 7 feet tall, with arms and legs like tree trunks. The men in front of me parted to make room
for an even larger man, who must have been their leader. He was the biggest man I had ever seen in my
life (and I’ve been to WWE wrestling matches).
(To be continued...)
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