She has man-hands!

I’ve come to the realization that I have a Seinfeld-ian pickiness when it comes to dating and women.  Could be that I’m just anal… and not the good kind of anal.  I have a tendency to pinpoint and focus on a negative aspect of a woman I’m dating.  It’s not even a negative aspect, it’s just a trait that I don’t find particularly attractive… like boy-cuts… or cankles… or a flat ass.  The rest of the woman may fit everything else that I think is perfect, but if they have a trait that I don’t like, I find it hard to look past.  I should actually re-phrase that: there’s a voice in my head that keeps reminding me of it.  I like to call him negative Ned… actually I just made that name up on the spot, but I like it.  Ned likes to to be super pessimistic.  I hate Ned.  I have told Ned to shut-up on numerous occasions… the last time was in the car and I literally screamed at myself, to the point I was crying… I think it may have been a little nervous breakdown of some sort.  Typing this now, I am actually starting to wonder is I’m seriously mentally ill.  I do know I suffer from some minor mental illness, but perhaps I’m actually really sick.  I’ve always just dismissed it as being part of my personality.  I can still function, keep a job, keep friends… so I’m probably just being dramatic.  I can’t keep relationships though… I don’t think I ever will be able to.  Isn’t that like a lot of men?  Besides, it’s not fair to any women to put up with my eccentricities.  I’m someone that’s good in small doses, because that’s all I like to give of myself… small doses.  I can only put up with most people in small doses as well… there are a select few where I can take frequent small doses of, but most people should only appear for a short time, and then go away until I need you again.   I wonder where this loner attitude comes from.  My brother NEEDS to be social all the time, whereas I just need it a little.  I much prefer to be alone doing what I want and not having to feel obligated to interact with someone.  Was there something in our nurturing that made us take different paths… or is it just the nature of our chemical make-up.  Along that same path, how can I become so emotional and cry at a silly commercial, when I’ve generally become so jaded and de-sensitized by everything.  What triggers these episodes?  It’s almost seems like it’s hormonal.  Is there really male PMS?  Someone answer me that… someone… anyone?  Oh right, no one really reads my blog, so I guess everything I ask will remain rhetorical, whether I like it or not.

A new board game?

Hello again to all my dedicated readers…. Mahahahahahaha… I crack myself up sometimes.  Well, if there is someone who actually comes back to read my updates, then thank you sir or madam.  I do apologize for my absence; I was in jolly ole England visiting my family.  In that visit I reconnected with a long lost love of mine… the board game Movie Maker.  For those of you not “in the know”, it is a Parker Brothers game from the 80s (or is it 70s) where the objective is to make… (surprise) movies!  If you want to know more, then look it up… that IS what the Internet is for, ya know.  A few nights of drinking and playing the game with my brother were had, and lots of fun and memories were dug up.  This reconnection has sparked an interest in updating the game.  The old formula needs to make way for new types of movies and stars.  The old game requires a story (Epic, Historical, Western, Musical, Comedy, or Horror), a director, a male star, and female star, and locations (varies based on story).  Well this formula needs to add Indies and Action movies and Buddy Comedies and Animated movies and… and… well that’s all I can think of right now.  It should also scrap the whole male star and female star formula.  I think that there should be a range between 2 and 4 stars of varying gender, depending on the type of movie.  Maybe even make Indies be able to have only one star.  I think the stars named should also better spoof real actor’s names.  Movies should also have a certain amount of weeks that it runs, and make the box office amount randomize per week.  For example: an action movie’s maximum run would be 6 weeks.  The first week the player roles 6 dice to determine the box office take in millions.  The next week the player roles 5 dice.  Oh wait! I just thought of a great idea… every type of story has a base amount of weeks… action has 3, comedy has 2, indie has 1, etc., and every star has an amount of weeks attached to them, ranging from zero to 2. Ok, this game may sound like it’s getting complicated, but people like in-depth games with lots of variables these days.  I need to get this game made soon.  I wonder if I make it whether I would infringe on any copyrights from the original game.  I wouldn’t think so, because people make similar games all the time.  Look at Trouble and Sorry… practically identical… although they be made by the same company.  Well these are things I can work out later. Oh, by the way, I’ve just copyrighted my idea, so no stealing it my lone reader!  Now I just need to figure out the board.  I wonder if I should keep the locations within the formula… 

An oldie, but a goodie

Once upon a time there was a small man who always wished he was bigger.  He wished that he could reach things others could not, and wished that he wasn't always overlooked when picking basketball teams.  This small man and a big heart though, and everyone thought his jokes were the funniest.  He also had big penis.  In fact, his penis was so big it made him stutter.  He didn't mind it so much, because he used his stutter to his advantage when he told his jokes.  However, the stutter seemed to interfere when trying to talk to women.  He decided that he'd go to the doctor to see what he could do.  Before he went to the doctor, the small man walked into a bar... but he actually walked under the bar because he was so small and laughed as the other men hit the bar with their heads.  After having a good chuckle, he had a drink at the local pub.  He was then ready to go see a doctor.  The doctor explained that there was a new experimental surgery that could be done to help him.  The small man agreed.  The doctor had removed a few inches from the small man's penis.  The man tried talking and found that his stutter was gone.  He thanked the doctor very much.  The small man had no trouble talking to women now, but his jokes were no longer as funny... and his penis was no longer big.  He felt very sad and regretted having the surgery.  He went back to the doctor and asked if he could reverse the surgery, but alas the doctor said, "T-t-too l-l-late."

The End