Whatever happened to...

Whatever happened to the Hamburgler?  Did he finally get caught, sent to prison, raped by the hard-ass murderers in there, then eventually hang himself in his cell because he just couldn't live without burgers?

Whatever happened to Birdie?  Did she eventually disappear over the Pacific like Amelia Eerhart, only to fall into the ocean and get eaten but great white sharks that were later used in the Filet-O-Fish sandwich?

Whatever happened to Mayor McCheese?  Did he get caught up in some scandal involving the fry guys, Grimace, and a dominatrix named Big Bertha?

Speaking of which, whatever happened to the fry guys?  Did they get mistaken for mops in a McDonalds they were visiting for a kid's birthday and used to mop all the piss, puke, and shit that was left on the floor after little Jimmy and his friends ate too much shitty food?

And finally, what the fucking hell was Grimace?

Whore!

Made you look!  The title of this post has nothing to do with the contents.  Actually, I have no idea if it will, because I do not know what the contents will be yet.  I am just typing as things come into my head, like I do normally.  No movie review here, or thoughts about dating or relationships, just some randomness.

What I was thinking of when I initially started typing this was the board game, Clue.  I received the game for my birthday from my ladyfriend.  I call her my ladyfriend because she is not a girl, she is a woman... hmmm, maybe I should call her my womanfriend.  Anyway, she is going to come over tonight and we are going to play Clue.  I made a crack about my cock being used as the murder weapon, and she came back with, "in the boudoir".  I laughed... well, more like a soft chuckle.  Ms. Scarlet, with the cock, in the boudoir... now THAT'S a murder!

Remember the movie?  I think it was probably the best movie based on a board game.  Let's face it, there's not much competition there... Battleship? A joke.  Any others?  I'm thinking there was another recent one, but I can't remember.  Look at that, we're talking about movies, and it's kinda like a review.  I said Battleship was a joke, so that's kinda giving my critical opinion of it.  So since we're here, I'll give it a grade... D+ (the plus is for the cool alien ships).  I hear they are making movies for Risk, Monopoly, and Candyland. I highly doubt any of these will surpass Clue.

So anyway, I've run out of things to say... so... um.... whore!

A Letter

Dear Girl,

I am writing this letter because I need to get these feelings off my sleeve and onto paper (or the electronic form of paper).  I don't know if you know how much I like you, I'm sure you do because of the things I say and do.  What you may not know is just how much I think of you.  I can't sleep sometimes because I'm thinking of you and about how much I want to be with you.  I keep telling myself that I just have to be patient, but I am not a very patient person, not with someone I am so crazy about.  I keep trying to work out in my head whether it's just because I'm lonely or horny.  I actually don't think it is the latter, because to be perfectly blunt, I still think of being with you after I have masturbated.  If I was just horny for you, the feelings would pass for a while after I was done.  They don't pass... the act of masturbation has now just become a distraction for me to briefly stop thinking of you.  Don't get me wrong, I am extremely attracted to you and strongly desire to be sexually intimate with you.  I also don't think it's mainly because I am lonely, because to be perfectly honest, I have dating options.  I don't want to take those options because what I want is you.  I don't even want to have anything casual with anyone else because that wouldn't be fair to anyone when all I'd be thinking of is you.  I know you've had your heart broken and you just want to be friends.  I just don't know if you even think about anything more with me.  From some of the signals you've sent, I think you do, but then you send me different signals and I just become unsure.  I don't know if I can do the friends thing with you, because it drives me crazy that you aren't mine and may never become mine.  I love spending time with you, but it also makes me miss you even more when I'm not with you.  I don't feel this way often or with just anyone, but when I do, it almost becomes an obsession that consumes my thoughts.  Anyway, I don't imagine you'll ever read this, and if you do, maybe you won't know it's addressed to you... then again, you probably will figure it out.  I just needed to get these feelings and thoughts out in a semi-structured way.  I am hoping that it helps me be a little less crazy, and just calm down these emotions so I can continue to be patient and continue to just be a good friend to you.

Yours Truly,
Boy

Games people play

What is it that I do that suddenly makes a girl go cold?  Maybe I'm being insecure and selfish thinking it's something I did.  Maybe it truly is them and not me.  Why must all these games be played and these doubts be dwelled upon?  If two people like each other, why can't they just act upon that and go with it.  Feelings get hurt, yes... but you recover.  Wouldn't you rather just dive right in and have fun, if even for a little while, instead of wondering if you're going to get hurt and then letting something good slip away and then beating yourself up about letting something good get away.  Yes, you can tell yourself things happen for a reason and that if it's meant to be it will be, but sometimes you just have to take a chance and go against your instinct and let your guard down.  I have been hurt, even to a point of thinking that it would never heal, but it does and I just jump in again.  Enough with these games, and they can be considered games even if they aren't meant to be.  If you like me, take a chance on me... if you don't like me enough to take a chance, then just tell me you don't like me so I can move on and not drive myself crazy.

The history of my Toblerone Fudge, Part 1

One day, I was contemplating what goodies I was going to make for the Christmas holidays, when during my search on what people seem to call "The Internet", I found a recipe for fudge. Now this wasn't just any fudge, this was Toblerone fudge; a recipe first invented by a mountain goat herder that lives in the furthest reaches of the Swiss Alps. I looked through the ingredient list and made a list of things I needed to buy. When I saw the last ingredient, I knew I was in for an adventure: a teaspoon of milk from a wild Swiss mountain goat. I wanted to make this fudge very badly, so I got my backpack out, all my mountain climbing equipment, and a small bottle to hold the milk. With all that I needed ready; I set out for the Swiss Alps.  Of course, I realized when I left, I had no idea how to get there… and I hadn’t bought a plane ticket or anything.  Maybe I could hitchhike there.  Maybe stow away in someone’s luggage. Swimming might be tough… row boat?  Well, nonetheless, I started on my way.  I walked as far as I could walk (the nearest bus stop) and decided that I should conserve my energy for the mountain climbing.  The bus driver was kind enough to give me a free trip (to the next bus stop) when I told him I didn’t have any money.  I guess I had to use my thumb for the rest of the way (I prefer to dial with my thumb) and called my friend for a ride to the airport.  He was happy to oblige (since I told him I wouldn’t try to bum rides off him for the next few weeks).  At the airport, I asked if there were any tickets available to Switzerland.  They said there were plenty.  Then I asked if there were any free tickets available.  They called security.  I had thought my journey was at an end, until a strange man came up to me and asked why I wanted to go to Switzerland.  I told him why and he gave me a magic golden ticket he found in a chocolate bar.  I had a weird feeling that this was something very familiar.  He then told me about his travels in a strange glass elevator, and of a man in a funny hat.  This strange man told me his name was Charles.  Something was definitely odd, but I took the golden ticket and went back inside the airport.  I showed security the ticket, and they took me to an elevator… it wasn’t glass though.  The elevator stopped at a hidden floor, they pushed me out and I fell at the feet of some very lovely feet. I looked up and it was an attractive woman in a business suit with glasses looking down a smiling at me.

“You must be that special man I was told about.” She said.  I didn’t think I was very special, but I’m not going to argue.  She led me to a room with just a single chair in it.

“Have a seat.” She said.  I sat down. 

She walked over to the wall and opened a panel built in to the wall.  I heard her pressing several buttons, but had no idea what she was doing.  Suddenly the room went pitch dark.  I heard a scream. The lights came back on and I saw that I was surrounded by several large men dressed in heavy furs, carrying an assortment of painful-looking melee weapons. Maces, spears, broadswords, you name it.  There must have been a dozen men standing around me, their faces covered in beards, their skin brown and leathery from the sun.  They were huge men as well, at least 7 feet tall, with arms and legs like tree trunks.  The men in front of me parted to make room for an even larger man, who must have been their leader.  He was the biggest man I had ever seen in my life (and I’ve been to WWE wrestling matches).

(To be continued...)

Prometheus Review

Let me just warn anyone reading this post, if you want to see Prometheus, and you don’t want to know what happens, DO NOT read this post.  I mean it, stop right here because the first sentence of the next paragraph is going to be a major spoiler.

David is incapable of emotion, therefore he is incapable of any evil act.  There is no debate or theory about it, he gave scientist dude the alien substance to test what the reaction would be and if it would enable the old guy to live forever. (And I mean period!)  I laugh at the posts and discussions posted all over the interwebz about the unanswered questions about Prometheus.  Some of these questions are a little obvious if you just use your “Engineer-given” common sense… oh right, there seems to be a severe lack of that in most people these days.  People prefer to let other people think for them.  Guy Pierce was the old guy because he was the old guy.  Who gives a fuck why?!? Maybe he wanted the part. Maybe he was asked to play the part.  How does that have any bearing on the movie?? What was the first scene about?  If you paid attention through the entire movie, it would become pretty obvious to you what it was about… that’s how human life began.  Why they did it? That’s a more interesting question.

Anyway, putting all those questions aside, and all the geekdom debates, this movie was very well made.  The concept, the story, the writing was all just short of brilliant.  It holds a very special place in my heart because it’s concept is something I have a bit of a belief in.  It’s not an absolute belief in, but it’s an idea that I think is plausible.  We are here on this planet because of an alien race.  From the amount of movies and books written about this belief, I’m not alone.  Isn’t scientology based on that belief?  I’m not that crazy, but I definitely think it’s possible.  Will we ever really know?  Back to the movie, the performances were really the only failing in this movie.  Don’t get me wrong, there were exceptional performances in this movie, and I mean exceptional!  Michael Fassbender is quickly becoming one of my favourite actors.  Noomi Repace’s Hollywood debut was nothing but amazing.  It’s a very good thing that these 2 roles were basically the lead roles, because having to deal with Charlize Theron’s performance for the majority of the movie would have been gut-wrenching.  Normally I don’t mind her, but this was just so plain.  Maybe it was meant to be that way, but I didn’t enjoy it.  The rest of the supporting cast was ok, but nothing to write home about.  It was Fassbender and Repace that made this movie brilliant.  I seriously would not be surprised if he was nominated for his role.  Maybe not an Oscar, because the Academy general does not normally nominate science fiction in its major categories (save District 9 for Best Picture when the nominees went to 10).  Ridley Scott also set it all up nicely for a very interesting franchise, but I fear he will not get to continue because of the movie’s under-performance at the box office.  I think it was over-shadowed by the Super Hero movies out this Summer.  If you love science fiction, Ridley Scott, or want to see a brilliant acting performance… see this movie!  I give it an A for Alien prequel! ;)

Moneymoneymoney moneyyy

It’s funny how people react when they see money in public places other than stores and banks.  I mean bills, not change, and a few of them, not a single fiver.  The other day I experienced someone on the subway give what looked like $60 to her friend (for whatever reason).  There were two young women sitting close to them and one of the young women stared so intently at the money that she almost looked like she was trying to will it into her pocket.  I even thought I saw her mouth something like, “I could so easily take that”.  She didn’t appear poverty-striken at all, but she sure seemed to really want that money.  I want money as much as the next person.  I’m very financially challenged and struggling from paycheque to paycheque.  I’ve thought up schemes and heists in my head a lot… hahahaha… let me just interject here to say that as I am writing this, the man sitting next to me on the train just pulled out a wad of bills (20s and 50s), and quickly counted and sorted them.  I have to admit that my eyes lit up a bit, but I mainly tried not to laugh at the whole irony of the situation.  Hmm, I wonder if he was counting them to make sure I hadn’t taken any while he had gone to the bathroom.  I had no idea he had the money in his bag when he left, so I wouldn’t have done anything.  Now that I know he has it in his bag, he better not go to the bathroom again while I’m sitting here.  Just kidding… or am I?  As I said, it’s funny how people react when they see money in public places other than stores and banks.

P.S. Can anyone loan me a fiver?