She has man-hands!

I’ve come to the realization that I have a Seinfeld-ian pickiness when it comes to dating and women.  Could be that I’m just anal… and not the good kind of anal.  I have a tendency to pinpoint and focus on a negative aspect of a woman I’m dating.  It’s not even a negative aspect, it’s just a trait that I don’t find particularly attractive… like boy-cuts… or cankles… or a flat ass.  The rest of the woman may fit everything else that I think is perfect, but if they have a trait that I don’t like, I find it hard to look past.  I should actually re-phrase that: there’s a voice in my head that keeps reminding me of it.  I like to call him negative Ned… actually I just made that name up on the spot, but I like it.  Ned likes to to be super pessimistic.  I hate Ned.  I have told Ned to shut-up on numerous occasions… the last time was in the car and I literally screamed at myself, to the point I was crying… I think it may have been a little nervous breakdown of some sort.  Typing this now, I am actually starting to wonder is I’m seriously mentally ill.  I do know I suffer from some minor mental illness, but perhaps I’m actually really sick.  I’ve always just dismissed it as being part of my personality.  I can still function, keep a job, keep friends… so I’m probably just being dramatic.  I can’t keep relationships though… I don’t think I ever will be able to.  Isn’t that like a lot of men?  Besides, it’s not fair to any women to put up with my eccentricities.  I’m someone that’s good in small doses, because that’s all I like to give of myself… small doses.  I can only put up with most people in small doses as well… there are a select few where I can take frequent small doses of, but most people should only appear for a short time, and then go away until I need you again.   I wonder where this loner attitude comes from.  My brother NEEDS to be social all the time, whereas I just need it a little.  I much prefer to be alone doing what I want and not having to feel obligated to interact with someone.  Was there something in our nurturing that made us take different paths… or is it just the nature of our chemical make-up.  Along that same path, how can I become so emotional and cry at a silly commercial, when I’ve generally become so jaded and de-sensitized by everything.  What triggers these episodes?  It’s almost seems like it’s hormonal.  Is there really male PMS?  Someone answer me that… someone… anyone?  Oh right, no one really reads my blog, so I guess everything I ask will remain rhetorical, whether I like it or not.