You are a subservient banana transcending the atmospheric ocean

Don't you just love surrealism! ;0)
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A typical day at work

So I sit here day in, day out, waiting for things to work properly so I can test to make sure things are actually not broken. You'd think that I was happy that things are not working because if everything worked perfectly the first time around all the time, I would be out of a job.

"What the hell is he talking about??" you're probably asking yourself.

Well, I'm a tester. I test software. A programmer builds the code and I test it to make sure there are no bugs in the code. There are always bugs, programmers are only human and humans make mistakes. Whether it's a syntax error or a missed line of code, when you're writing that much code, you're bound to make a mistake here or there. That is where I come in; I test it by pretending I'm an end-user and by doing absolutely everything that could be done with the piece of software. When something doesn't work the way it should, that's a bug. However, in order for me to test a piece of new software, all other pieces have to be set up and working properly. If they are not, then I am usually unable to begin testing the software because the end will result of my tests will always be a fail. When someone fucks with the environment and doesn't tell me, then I get upset because I can no longer continue to test until that piece is fixed. I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs when I want to work and I hate that. So that is why I started writing this, because I have nothing to do. Ok, I have some stuff to do, but I'm not feeling very proactive today.

This is the end of my post. It was a very boring post. It wasn't even a very emotional rant, but take it or leave it. I needed to type something so I typed it. Now I'm just continuing to type as thoughts flow into my head. Maybe I won't stop typing until I actually have work to do again. I kinda like this. Damn, my train of though was stopped cold because I was uncertain about how I should punctuate that last sentence. I've come to the realization that every writer punctuates in a different way, although they still follow the proper grammar. I would say that I use the comma way too much and I've forgotten how to use it. Maybe it's because I always take pause in sentences when I'm speaking even though a pause is not really needed. There I go again, boring the hell out of you. But guess what? I don't give a flying monkey ass because this is my blog and I can bore if I want to.

New paragraph! My last train of thought arrived at the station and the conductor got off to take a pee. Why is it "Take a pee"? You're not taking anything. In actuality, you're giving something, or you're leaving something.

Remember when I said a couple paragraphs ago, this was the end of my post? I'm afraid I lied. I didn't mean to lie, I just didn't know I was going to continue typing at the time. Remember that rule you learnt in high school about people and things and lying and laying? Things get laid, but people don't. That still makes me giggle. Let's all giggle about it together. Hehehehehehe. Now the people in Mexico giggle. Jijijijiji. Ok, I'm done.

A story with morals

Once upon a time there was a man. This man was usually quite a peaceful man, but recently he has been on the verge of either exploding into a ball of fire, or causing everybody else to explode. You see, this man tries so very hard to be positive and optimistic, but when negative energy gets thrown his way, he unfortunately does not have the power to deflect it. He is like a sponge and absorbs the feelings and emotions of those around him, so when someone is down or negative, he also becomes quite down himself.

"I would rather have paid $1000 for crap rather than $500 for different crap." someone recently said to him, "You will look back on this day and regret that you didn't get the higher priced crap."

"Oh yes, I would have so much rather have paid for the cheaper crap myself and have you pay for the more expensive crap that we didn't even need to pay for." The man said back, in a very sarcastic tone, "And would have preferred not to give someone close to us a special opportunity to make the day special for us, who did a fantastic job I might add."

And with those magic words the man felt better. Amazingly better! The fact that the man only thought those words and did not actually say them out loud didn't matter. A weight was lifted and he could go on with his day. Yes, a hint of the negativity will linger and the man may feel little spirals of anger, but he feels better.

So the moral of this story is to always have an outlet for negative energy. Preferably it's an outlet that does not give the negative energy to someone else. If you do have to give it to someone, give it back to the person who gave it to you. A side moral is: using sarcasm as a way to express your negative energy feels unbelievably good and makes you laugh as well.

Gotta get them juices flowing...

Creative juices, that is. ;)

Let me be thoughtfully crude for a second here...

I once saw a piece of graffiti in a bathroom stall a long time ago that has stuck with me throughout my life: "Some people come here to shit and stink, I come here to sit and think." Perhaps you have seen it. Anyway, I often think of that when I am sitting on the toilet. And from all that thinking, I come up with my best ideas. Unfortunately I don't always write them down once I am done my business.

This time is different. I have now begun work on a new story that will eventually (hopefully) become my first screenplay. I don't always finish what I start. In fact, I almost never do. But the thing is, I have a better chance of finishing something that I've started than finishing something I never start to begin with. The key to good writing is, don't just talk about an idea, write it down. Then you'll be able to really see if it's a good idea or not.

So, what's my story? Well I'm not going to give it up just yet, but I will disclose the fact that I have realized that there are 2 things that people just love about movies: A loveable goof that gets the girl, and a semi-likeable asshole that learns a life lesson. If you throw in some other essential ingredients, then you just have to fill in the blanks with some good dialogue and a solid plot. I've been battling for years in my head to find an idea that is so unique and so different, but I've realized that people are afraid of different. I'll save the different until after I've become successful. :)

I haven't updated in like forever

Dear Reader,

I apologize for not writing to you sooner. I just haven't felt like it. I don't really feel like it now, but I was looking at another blog on this site and it reminded me of my own blog.

Random link: TIKI BAR TV

I don't have a lot to say right now, yet I have lots to say. Figure that one out! Oooo, mind-boggling. Remember Boggle? I was champ! Ok, I probably couldn't beat Peggy Hill... but she has OCD. You down with OPP? Yeah, you know.... me. I can't help it, I'm naughty, it's my nature.

Random link: MONKEY POO

Pause and rewind live tv!!! Pause and rewind real life!!! That's my new invention. Try it yourself.... pause..................... see, you paused your real life. Now rewind........

Pause and rewind live tv!!! Pause and rewind real life!!! That's my new invention. Try it yourself.... pause..................... see, you paused your real life. Now rewind........ See! Wasn't that fantastic! You now owe me 1 million dollars for partaking in my new invention. Please send to:

Monkey Farts
c/o Looks like a Donkey
123 Fourfivesix Street
Juliaville
Antartica

*Please note, I only accept pennies as payment.

So... what do you think? Nothing! I don't pay you to think!

P.S. I am completely sober. (You can imagine my thoughts when I'm not)

Bye bye.

Accountability

What is accountability? It's being accountable for your actions and words, no matter if they are accidental or not. Imagine a world where everyone assumed accountability for their actions. No more passing the buck. No more blaming other people for the outcome. If it's your fault, it's your fault! If someone breaks my bike, they would leave a note saying "Sorry, here's my phone number so you can contact me for repair costs." But alas, the world is not like that. We all like to pass the blame onto someone or something else. If the world took accountability for its actions, then there would be no such word as scapegoat. Sometimes I really hate this world. Sometimes I just want to live alone on an island where all I have is me to blame. Fucking world... be accountable!!!

A note about the new posts and randomness

Hello. How are you? I added some posts, but you may notice that they are dated in the past. I figured since I can actually change the date and time that I would date them at the time they were written. Makes sense, no?

They are of the randomness that occurs in my brain on a daily basis. I find my thoughts wonder quite irregularly sometimes. Right now it's not wondering so much cause I'm tired. Also because I am thinking about my baby and being able to kiss and hug her again... among other things. ;)

I should post more. If only to see what crazy ads the banner at the top comes up with. Earlier it had links to shopping cart covers. Where the hell in my blog did I mention that??? Crazy Internet! Evil computers!

I can flutter my lips like a horse. I guess I have loose lips. My boss spent half an hour yesterday trying to do that. She said she once could. Then today she told me she was able to do it last night, but she couldn't repeat it. People are funny like that. I wonder what she was doing at home that made her think of that. Was she just sitting on her couch watching TV and suddenly flutter her lips, then cry out, "I did it! I told Al I could do it!"?

Oh no, I bought Jeep shoes! I must be conforming to commercialism. No!!! They were cheap and comfortable. Sometimes I get tired of all the digs and teasing that goes on amongst my friends. It seems to be constant sometimes. We can't have serious conversations, or pleasant conversations without some kind of snide remark being thrown out. I want to be able to talk about serious stuff, or to discuss my feelings without having some sarcasm thrown in. I guess that's another thing that makes me happy about having my girl. I can talk to her. She just listens without judgement. I love her so much. I love her till it hurts.

Ok, I'm done.

Is there a time for death to take us?

6 lives gone, 3 to go. Although, some may not have been considered lost lives.

Let's begin by re-capping: First, I was about 4 years old and was at my parents' friend's house. The adults were have a dinner party inside. Outside, they have a big pool and I was playing around it. My ball fell into the deep end of the pool and I used the net to try to fish it out. Well, I slipped and fell... no idea how to swim. I don't know how long I struggled to keep my head above water, but I know I wasn't doing a good job. I was finally pulled out by one of the friend's kids. After that, I was hit by a car twice, I was lying in the back seat of my mum's car when there was a speeding car driving head on in the wrong lane on a very narrow bridge, I was 2 minutes away from taking my own life, and now finally what happened today. I was biking home from work. It was very windy, blowing all kinds of shit in my face. My gears were screwing up and I noticed some ribbon had got stuck. I stopped to pull it out. Seconds later.... CRACK! A tree behind me fell onto the road, taking a powerline down with it. It was just 20 feet away from where I stopped. I looked at it for a second and said, "Wow!" Then I thought, "Shit, I was 30 seconds away from that falling on me." If the elevator at work was 30 seconds slower... if I had to fiddle an extra 30 seconds with my bike lock... if I had stopped under that tree to fix my gears.

Near death experiences? Maybe. Close calls? Definitely! It is quite funny how this happened today though. Yesterday I was thinking about whether we all have a time when Death takes us, or if we need to accomplish something before it comes. I guess this may add to my thoughts of how I am supposed to accomplish something, and maybe this was a warning to me. "Hurry up with your destiny!" Death is screaming to me. Well, you only have to tell me once... maybe twice to remind me, cause my short-term memory is not great anymore. So here I am, writing, getting my juices flowing. Maybe Death was saying, "Here's something for you to write about!" Earlier in the day I was feeling quite unmotivated. Well Death, here you go... I'm writing.

Thoughts from November 17, 2003

Rummaging through things I've written in the past, I came across this. Random? Yes. Enjoy.

Just think... don't think about what you want to think, just think and type... pause all you want, then put the words in your head together... or don't even put them together and just type. don't worry about puncuation you dumbass.. ok, I threw that in because I'm typing, but whatever... quality guarantee... does a life come with a quality guarantee... wouldn't that be great if it did, your life is 100% guaranteed to be quality, if not get a new one for free... but people do get new lives... they think about change, then do it..... I want a new life, but I want to keep some of my life now... if I trade in my life for a new one, does that mean trading in everything? Cigarette. Why does age have a bearing on how and what you think about... or does it.. if age did not exist, does that mean you wouldn't think about getting older.. of course it would.does an immortal soul think about getting older?

Where's the beef

I have a beef to express. Why do all the lyric websites out there just copy and paste from one source, which is usually wrong?? Ok, so not all the lyrics are wrong, but here's a case in point. I was curious as to what all the lyrics to Eminem's Lose Yourself, because I almost had them all down, but was missing some chunks. So I sang the song to the lyrics I found. It just didn't sound right, and I definitely knew that some were very wrong.

Here is what most sites have as the lyrics:

Lose Yourself

And these are my modified lyrics, which I believe you'll agree (if you actually like the song) are far more correct:

Lose Yourself (again)

Why I decided to go on about this and actually edit the lyrics, I really don't know, I just had the urge. I get some crazy urges sometimes... that's just a little piece of me. :)

Foreshadowing...

Could this have been some foreshadowing of what has come to pass? I'm definitely not letting the person who has changed my life so much slip away. And I will forever grow with her.

One day my life will change. Up until now there have been a lot of things that have shaped me the way I am; my parents, my friends, my teachers, but there will come a time when a person walks into my life and changes my existence. Whether that person will be a flash in the pan, or a life long companion, I don’t know. I feel it. I feel it everyday of my life. I hope for it and I expect it. Is that my problem? Am I living in a dream world? Am I waiting for nothing? Maybe that person has come and gone. Maybe I didn’t realize it because my mind was too preoccupied with waiting for this person. Someone once said that life is what you make it. Am I making it worth it? I want to be on that road going across North Dakota, where I saw the “F” made of stones on top of the hill. Why was that there? Was it a symbol for something? I think a man walked up to that hill, and with his dying energy, made that “F”. He made it for everybody. “Fuck you!” one person would say it meant. “Freedom”, says another. Maybe it was just plain Fred.